The Rant…

This is very different from the content that I usually  feel inspiration on, actually, this is something that I wish I were not writing about, but there is an overwhelmingly huge part of me that needs to get it out!

NSA stands for No Strings Attached

No not the movie, the relationship that many involve in. And guess what it is a lie, its imaginary, its unreal it does NOT EXIST. I do not know where this term came along; I do not know why people use it. To me it devalues a relationship, it degrades sex.

Yes, we live in a busy world, one with fast transportation, fast food, fast communication, but is there such a thing as fast sex?

If you are not a hooker, than NSA should not exist. I know this is vulgar, and I do not want to stay on this topic, but I am seeing it everywhere.

It use to be college, a fling that only 20 something’s were involved in but now it is progressing to highschool! And it needs to stop.

Our lives are filled with a fast- paced- beat.

This does not mean that intimacy needs to be fast, that does not mean that we should forget the amazing feeling of getting to know another person, to love another person, to share moments of life with someone.

Why do we need or make love, sex, so fast? There is no reason, yes carnal yearnings are a part of being a mammal, but we are human. That means we think, we ruminate, we have the ability to encompass patience.

To me in a world where everything comes fast, sex has lost its value. And no, I am not talking about economic value, because we are not living in the 15^th century. I am talking about the emotional and psychological value that sex once had.

Let us go back to that place. Why not? Lets change the dialogue. Because real intimacy comes from getting to know someone, just like you get to know a friend, so should romantic relationships be.

So I am saying lets put NSA in the trash because it’s NOT REAL, whoever created this term did it so people can treat sex like a pastime between strangers, and hey maybe you get out of a long-term relationship and you thinkthat’s what you need. Guess what it’s not.

Empty sex, is like dead air, there is no point to it. (This is a lesson!)

And I think that both men and women, actually, this is nothing to do with gender or race, this is about being human, life should have meaning, and the activities we participate in, the things we say, the people we have relationships with–it should have meaning, because life is about purpose, and if you destroy value then–take a step back–because every person, every life has a meaning, so don’t hurt yourself or others.

Love is everywhere, it’s all around us, do not cheapen it, and do not forget you deserve happiness, and you are valuable.

Everything in life is really a lesson; see the positive, see the silver lining.

Make every encounter,

Every word,

One of value.

Uncovering the Mental Block

The majority of people in this world want to be successful, happy and cherished. Isn’t that what life is about? There is something that I noticed in my life that many times kept me from success. It is my idea on what I need to do to be successful.

I grew up in a family of doctors, dentists, and engineers. These are science and math related subjects, and in high school when I put my full effort in I did amazing. However, the truth was that I felt no connection, no excitement about learning the laws of physics, and theorems of calculus.

I love my family, my parents, I feel lucky I have such motivated people in my life. They thought that in the world we; live in today to have success; the science field was where I needed to go. However, I didn’t and it shocked my parents, because they saw that I had the capacity to excel in these subjects (although for me I could not grasp science fast, I had to study for hours and hours to understand ONE simple idea).

Now–some subjects come easily to us, others don’t and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I believe that if one really wants to be a doctor or a dentist or whatever, even if the subject’s one must learn are very hard, one will put the effort in and accomplish the goal.

For me, I had no desire to become a dentist, my aunt is a dentists and she loves what she does. She works with people everyday, helps them, brings health into their lives, and gives them ward worthy bright teeth! To me this is amazing, and she is such a hard worker, a family woman, and knows how to keep the balance of work and play.

In my early childhood, I sang, I acted I loved to write. Moreover, like many kids, teenagers, and any age group I wanted to be known for a talent! I wanted fame! But what is fame, and why do some of us thirst for it so much? Because really to be I feel foolish I ever wanted fame. What I want is to help people, in an area that I know I am good at. It’s amazing knowing, that someone read a post and was touched by it–and you know what I feel so LUCKY that I started this blog, because I had a great fear that my writing was awful, well that my thoughts were dumb. That no one would like me, that I would be criticized for being immature. I learned thank goodness, that criticism is very good because it’s how we can get better at what I am doing! I use to think it was a bad thing, I feared it! Now I know even if I feel the sting of criticism (which I have gotten over), it is good for me because I can grow! I can learn, and not make the same mistakes.

And hey I am still learning how to develop my ideas, how to express them. Learning to write, and becoming better is an ongoing process. I am not the best, but I think if you love doing something you should at least try! And try again and again!

As much as I love to read novels, and have practiced writing a few, (although they are embarrassingly bad, and are simply my attempts to just try to finish them to the end), I found that writing short stories, and fiction, did not always come easily to me. Sure once in a while I will think of an idea for a story and I will write it–but for me its poetry and essay writing that, I love. I love writing about the idea of the world, our perception of it, energy, philosophy, psychology, positivity, and what reality is to me, and to other people.

Here is my point: I thought that a certain career a certain path is going to bring a success, that for me I thought there was only one concrete way to the destination of success. This is a huge MENTAL BLOCK.

I was limiting myself, because me thinking there is only one way to do something is just CRAZY. We must run to the things that we love, run to the subjects that excite you freely! What is success? Does it really mean fame? I do not think so; I think it means being so happy with the work, you do to help others in life. To bring them happiness and truth!

 

Nothing is easy–and there came a point in my life, where I had to start owning up to the place that I was in. I cannot blame others, I can control myself and my reaction to what happens. I have a great thirst for knowledge–I still read articles on biology and anatomy, and so many more subjects. Everyday is a chance to learn. I feel that till I am old and withered I will still be learning.

My mind is free from the awful idea that there is only one way to get success.

When I start focusing on the things that make me happy, when I help others and I see how I’ve touched their lives, it is the most amazing feeling,  that is when I feel success! I hope that I am thinking the right way, I hope that being happy, but also working hard, concentrating and persistence will bring me where I desperately want to go.

Know what you want, whether its being a doctor, a teacher, a life coach, actor, writer, even a dentist, know that this is what you want to do with your life. No matter how hard it is, remember it is what you want, and you will do whatever it take to get there. You have to know where you are going, create the plan and go there!

To me the future is a destination and there are millions, billions, and simply endless ways to get there. Just know you’re gonna get there.

Meaningless Thrills

Filling the dark room with the soft seductive music of the devil,

They played the game across the room,

Took a hand,

Grasped a shoulder,

Skin on skin,

That is how we like it.

 

 

Flash forward,

When is it going to end?

My pain, this deep guttural suffering

It twists in me, the memories leap out everywhere

My lonely soul, my heart ripped

Too many times this dance has leaded me to despair.

 

 

Yet it happens everywhere

All the time, right now.

And it’s no unique situation,

Those who get hurt easily should know better.

 

 

Flash back to that room,

The music subdues all the mortals in the room,

Do they really think this is the last night of fun?

I pull away,

I look around,

This has happened before

This mistake

These moves–all of it.

 

 

 

It’s been so long,

This environment— is toxic

These people they are stuck in this,

And again and again, I’ll get sick

With this disease not of the heart but the mind

The ego

It easily bruises, depression sets in,

These symptoms I should know—

They come from actions unspoken

And the idea of thrill—-

 

 

Inflicting pain on you is a choice—

When you have learned the lesson and yet choose,

Not to apply what you have learned.

And is it really worth it?

Is satisfying thrill worth the pain that follows?

 

I had to consciously ask my self this

And for a while, I could not because….

Like a merry-go-round rotating faster and faster

The speed making me dizzy with delusion

I just thought about the momentary happiness,

Didn’t look at the future,

And sometimes we must step out of that merry-go-round,

Out of that seductive room,

Take a breath and question what you want

And if what you are doing is taking you there or somewhere

Only pains exist.

 

 

Be prepared to run…

And that is okay because

What you want will come around

At some point at, the right place, the right time, the right people.

Sometimes running

Is the strength your patience needs.

Temporary Delirium

Living in her own head,

The girl with one earring

The one dancing with a song no one hears,

The one who stares aimlessly into the abyss

I look at her,

I see what she could be

All the possibilities

All the dreams,

Shooting past her

Will she grab one?

 

Crying in his alcoholic melancholy,

He sits where no one can see him,

He laugh’s where no one can hear

Can he catch a shooting star?

Make a wish?

Can he let go of every insecurity?

I look at him,

and wonder,

can he get out of his head?

 

 

Lost is a place,

it’s a time

it is one of those places in-between

it has no gender

no specifics to enter,

it simply is.

 

There is a choice

stay forever

or walk away,

get up,

make a move

speak less and do more of the things that will help make a better life.

 

 

We must run to the things that love us,

we must catch the wonders of the world

and never forget

that we are alive

and all this non-sense

all this background noise

trying to distract us

is irrelevant–doesn’t matter

hold on to what is real,

recognize the imaginary,

distinguish what can be good–

and what can lead you astray.

 

 

One day–all the girls and boys,

come to a point

where they can keep living in childhood delirium

or wake up,

and grow up,

the choice will always be there.

 

 

You will look back at that place called “lost”

and giggle at all the distractions

see how courage saved you,

you will remember that child,

but it’s not you anymore

–you are strong

you are powerful,

you see the right–

 

Never forget you can change!

and you decide

to make your circumstances temporary or permanent,

you decide every day,

if being lost in delirium

is really where you want to be.

 

Seeds of Illness

To say I am angry, is not enough.

Anger makes me an irrational animal,

I’ll bite you,

I’ll growl,

I’ll make you bleed!

 

The result, is worse for me than you.

 

I’ll look, at what I did and said—

and think, that wasn’t worth it.

Praying, wishing that it could be erased

just the event, let time create another memory for me,

one in which guilt won’t follow.

 

 

 

I question my anger. I question the source.

I ask what is your purpose?

I’ll find it has no aim

no goal.

 

It’s a temporary sickness.

The minds disease when unsure how to cope,

but most of all,

when there is not an inch of understanding,

 

How can we start thinking of solutions?

 

Maybe it’s about caring

about giving a shit

about putting it all together

and asking yourself

before anything else transpires

what does this mean to me?

What is going to happen, if I pull that trigger to my insanity?

Whats gonna be the result?

 

 

It’s no good.

It’s no solution,

it’s no answer.

 

Question your anger

question what it means,

and most of all–you must remember,

that anger starts as a seed…

 

Pluck it OUT of your mind,

throw it to the wind.

because anger is NOT REAL.

And it only becomes so–when you let it enter reality,

don’t let your anger become a physical manifestation,

mark it as useless.

 

 

Become the strong spirit you are.

Find it within yourself

that strength,

can come when

the illness of the mind

no longer exists.

Nervous Ruminations

 

A kiss or a cry, that’s how it is with this one. That’s why I don’t want to go tomorrow; I really don’t want to go. I am NOT going.

Can’t I just say I am sick? It doesn’t quite stick at a certain age. There are only so many days, one can hide.

It’s so much more relaxing, hiding I mean. I’ve been in hiding, for sooo long. I can’t even remember what the world looks like.

It’s so much easier, to stay here, in the passive life .Where no situation can embarrass or….hurt me.

I can imagine it now,

I’ll walk into that room and I’ll feel naked!

All my mistakes will bombard me, and I wish I had been smarter!
So what do I do? DO I go? Well what other option do I have, but to go?

I must do what must be done; I can smile at everyone, and say, hey it’s all good.

Act like it’s all fine, because if I act than I’ll feel….peace.

 

How do we learn, if we do not make a mistake? It’s all for the real world, the real life you want to achieve. All these mistakes all these problems, you really think you’ll ever make them again?
No, you won’t because you’re smart.

Because you learn from your mistakes.

And you will never ever make yourself uncomfortable.

 

So I’ll brace myself with good words

I’ll remember to smile,

And maybe, just maybe,

I’ll get through tomorrow. Let it come! I’ll be waiting.

The Authentic Voice

I heard about the authentic voice in an interview that Six Feet Under Allan Ball gave. He is an amazing screen writer a real talent, obviously, have you seen his work!? I suggest that you do if not. If one is looking for a door of inspiration watch his shows and movies.

 I am telling you him and his writing staff for that show really did bring something new, a legacy for television. Its about truth, how people act especially when it comes to the one thing our society ignores or makes into a fucking circus show : DEATH.

 

Anyway I’ll go on a rant about that subject later. But what I am here to tell you about is this discovery of the authentic voice that Alan Ball talked about.

What does it mean? Authentic voice? Yes we all have different vocal cords, all of us are unique snowflakes, or are we?

When it comes to writing, and maybe its the same for other creative endeavors, but in writing—I found that the process is one of self discovery.

The authentic voice, ones own view, and reaction to the world.

Writing is my way of expressing the reality of what I feel, my thoughts through a pen or a key board.

For awhile I was forcing out words. Crude ugly thoughts that weren’t really mine, because I did not feel anything for them.

It took years before I realized the way I see the world is unique, and I should document it, express it, love and appreciate it.

Whats your authentic voice?

Sensual? Hungry? Dark? Angry? Humorous?

Is there more? Yes.

Or maybe….there are some voices we can’t categorize, some voices that are simply new,

something the world has not seen,

but that others can cherish and even become motivated by.

Whats your authentic voice?

Are you true to you?

And what is you anyway?