Archive | May, 2012

Goose Pimples

25 May

Shiver down my slimy spine,

Pop and tickle,

Whispers of coolness ride on top.

Ah that’s the feeling I like!

Right when the heat touches skin,

And melts away

any sign,

That they ever existed.

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Sense of Loss…

25 May

Sense of Loss

Losing things all the time

lipstick, that’s okay

socks from an uncle, that’s fine

an ipod with an inscription from my mother, that’s okay as long as she doesn’t find out…

……..but it was pretty

I learned to get over losing things,

the insignificant things,

But….

the objects of pleasure

my sources of desire,

those were harder to get over.

Then somewhere

I lost you

ah that’s okay

I’ll find another you

a replica maybe

that walks and talks,

just like you

Losing my mind

even better, lose that and I’m happy.

We get use to loss,

we learn how to accept it

Incorporate it as part of life.

First it’s the small things,

gradual steps to the bigger things get harder

I tried to think

harder…think!

Think why am I losing it all??

I liked it all–

the dumb toys’

the lovely promise notes,

the text messages of hopeless need,

Only memory can bring them back

and it’s never that good

never as satisfying as having it in your hand,

inside you,

your soul, your mind,

all get lost,

because the things you lose,

end up owning you.

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Intoxicating Stench…

20 May

Intoxicating Stench

Lie to me.

There are many lies, big and small,

But the worst ones,

Are the ones we tell ourselves.

To get what I wanted, I told a lie.

Many little ones, but the biggest one, the worst one was the one I told myself…

That it didn’t matter how much damage I caused other people.

Until the mental struggle took physical form.

Instantly, I was at the party, I could smell it in the air,

Sex hung on the walls, a painter’s initiative when he first came in,

Drugs circled the rooms

And alcohol was just part of the scenery

Red cups  and keg stands

Shots for all!

Lose your morals for the night.

I don’t participate, just watch the show.

The easiest way to get away with a lie, is never ever participate

Let it filter every echoless mind, all you have  do is let it slip your lips,

And then dine at the outcome.

It’s evil, I know, but after years of watching the snowball effect of other peoples tortures…I learned.

A nameless beauty handed me a drink.

I smiled at her and of course, the fragile being accepted it.

Later love was uttered in a whisper,

She was more than ready to accept.

Evil comes in many forms.

It’s the things we say and do that determine how evil we are.

No one is born good

Or bad….

It’s a choice….and the power game starts

That sweet smell,

That sweet intoxicating stench gets me every time.

Every party,

Is a lie, waiting to happen.

Court Jester of the Mind

14 May

Court Jester of the Mind

It is that sticky little voice inside our heads, that for most, always keeps us from accomplishing great things. For a very long time I listened to the evil voice inside my head that would constantly fill me with regret, doubt and the worst of all fear.

Fear corrupts a person. It is disgusting and leads to everything else that makes a person unattractive. Jealously, hatred, lying, bullying, self-doubt are just a few of the things that fear brings on.

The jester in my head was turning me into a monster. It was reaping my life into bits. The worst part was that I was letting that little voice that was not a voice of truth take away any happiness that I would feel for brief moments.

I was not thinking positively not in the least. Actually, at that time which was in my younger years I do not think I ever even heard of positive thinking. I did not even know the power that it held.

People cannot see  the thoughts in your head. They don’t know what your thinking the only way that people actually know what’s going on is by the way you act and the way that you say things. When a person’s mental dialogue is a complete a non-stop, repetitive cycle of self-doubt their actions reflect it. This took me such a long time to learn.

I was going to such extreme negatives that I would think even my friends did not like me. This was all created by the jester, the commentator who is the one that tell us that we cannot do it. Whatever it is.  That we are not good enough. Moreover, for some reason we accept everything that this jester says as the truth as realistic. The thing is that once I realized that everything the jester said was a lie I could control it. Defeating that voice took so much practice. I had to literally pick out the negativity in my head.

Anytime some kind of a non-sense thought came up something that made me not want to do something I would ask : is this true?
The answer was easy. I called the jester out. Let us pretend that your mind is like a royal court one form the middle Ages. You are the King; actually, you are the God of the court. This is you mind, you own, the court ,every aspect of it is yours. From the people to the furniture whatever it is yours no one else has it.

I visualized the court. At the center if it was the Jester. It was not a person at all but a thing. I stripped it of everything. It’s stupid hat, it’s toys, jingle bells –everything.

Then you tell that Jester in front of everyone so that it is completely embarrassed so that it knows that you now hold all the power in the kingdom.

I told the jester he was banished, no longer had any control here. NO longer was the voice of reason. No longer did I care for it’s jokes at my expense. Who do you think you are? Poisoning my mind. You may have played an active role at one point but now your done. You have kept me from accomplishing great things. From getting out of the bed. You’ve made me weak through my fear and because of that your out.

You will never see this court again; you will never come to this kingdom ever again.

That was the day that finally I took the wheel of control. I decided that these negative thoughts had stemmed from the jester. Now that it was gone, I was filling my head with Yes I can. I am better than good enough; I can do whatever I need to do.

I have learned how to filter my thoughts. There was a time when I thought that these negative thoughts were realistic. They are not at all. The thing is if your constantly  listening to this voice that you think is reason you will never get anywhere.

Regaining control and telling those thoughts they did not matter made me stronger and that is when the real miracles in my life were coming in.

It is funny because looking back you should never regret anything. What was done was done and it helped lead you to a certain understanding about life and the nature of the world. So do not look back and regret. Look back and laugh.

I was putting myself in situation’s that were making me miserable. People I actually did not like. It was because of the way I was thinking. When you change your perspective everything else changes. You see the world in a new way. As if, you were given a new set of eyes.

The thing is that I started making better choices for myself. Choices that made me content. Instead of following the commentator, which was hindering me, I did everything else.

The only reason why we usually stop going after a goal is because of the commentator. Les Brown said that in life there are no limitations except the ones we make.

You decide today, actually right now whether you want to listen to the jester. The excuses that the jester makes are the only excuses you use not to go after what you want. Concur the jester, destroy the excuses and do what it is that will make you happy.

Life really does become so spectacular when you take the wheel and drive. When you decided that the excuses are not enough  to stop you. Remember the only thing stopping you, is you. The excuses you make become your truth. Redefine what your truth is. Control your life by starting with the invisible:your thoughts. Which only become visible through yourself.

Vita

12 May

The positive philsophy.

I love it. I live it.

And sometimes, I come up with poems that  don’t seem so happy and go lucky.

Maybe it was Chuck Palahniuk. It started with Choke, and then went to Fight Club.

Suddenly I was curious about all books.

About what else is there in this world that I don’t know?
Alot.

If you want to keep going,

Make certain you are curious,

about something.

Never get boring.

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Clouds

12 May

Clouds