Tag Archives: Love

The Rant…

27 Oct

This is very different from the content that I usually  feel inspiration on, actually, this is something that I wish I were not writing about, but there is an overwhelmingly huge part of me that needs to get it out!

NSA stands for No Strings Attached

No not the movie, the relationship that many involve in. And guess what it is a lie, its imaginary, its unreal it does NOT EXIST. I do not know where this term came along; I do not know why people use it. To me it devalues a relationship, it degrades sex.

Yes, we live in a busy world, one with fast transportation, fast food, fast communication, but is there such a thing as fast sex?

If you are not a hooker, than NSA should not exist. I know this is vulgar, and I do not want to stay on this topic, but I am seeing it everywhere.

It use to be college, a fling that only 20 something’s were involved in but now it is progressing to highschool! And it needs to stop.

Our lives are filled with a fast- paced- beat.

This does not mean that intimacy needs to be fast, that does not mean that we should forget the amazing feeling of getting to know another person, to love another person, to share moments of life with someone.

Why do we need or make love, sex, so fast? There is no reason, yes carnal yearnings are a part of being a mammal, but we are human. That means we think, we ruminate, we have the ability to encompass patience.

To me in a world where everything comes fast, sex has lost its value. And no, I am not talking about economic value, because we are not living in the 15th century. I am talking about the emotional and psychological value that sex once had.

Let us go back to that place. Why not? Lets change the dialogue. Because real intimacy comes from getting to know someone, just like you get to know a friend, so should romantic relationships be.

So I am saying lets put NSA in the trash because it’s NOT REAL, whoever created this term did it so people can treat sex like a pastime between strangers, and hey maybe you get out of a long-term relationship and you thinkthat’s what you need. Guess what it’s not.

Empty sex, is like dead air, there is no point to it. (This is a lesson!)

And I think that both men and women, actually, this is nothing to do with gender or race, this is about being human, life should have meaning, and the activities we participate in, the things we say, the people we have relationships with–it should have meaning, because life is about purpose, and if you destroy value then–take a step back–because every person, every life has a meaning, so don’t hurt yourself or others.

Love is everywhere, it’s all around us, do not cheapen it, and do not forget you deserve happiness, and you are valuable.

Everything in life is really a lesson; see the positive, see the silver lining.

Make every encounter,

Every word,

One of value.

Ever Wish

20 Oct

All these charismatic people,

standing around me,

Speaking only when value comes to mind,

Their smiles are gold,

It makes even the most desolate, glimmer in hope.

Oh, they play the game well,

yet–

they are all mad.

 

INSANE—yet it would be criminal–

to sound out this truth,

I will cling to their personas

and wish they were my own.

How natural their gestures

and questions

their rhythmic dancing and composed faces,

ah if only I could be like these beautiful creatures

each reflecting the delicacy of life.

 

All around me, I watch,

as they laugh at those who could never be lunatics like them,

silence grip me—

Because they’ll show their humanity

give a hand where it needed

and a lack of control on my part seeps out

 

—-for how can one be so cruel and at the next moment,

the philanthropist?

 

These things I will never put a name on,

never know what defines them,

will their karmic damage ever manifest?

 

All these charismatic people,

are the characters that color my life

and I’ll love them forever,

even if I cannot understand every action,

I’ll still wish I could be them…..

But at least I get to watch.

Uncovering the Mental Block

15 Oct

The majority of people in this world want to be successful, happy and cherished. Isn’t that what life is about? There is something that I noticed in my life that many times kept me from success. It is my idea on what I need to do to be successful.

I grew up in a family of doctors, dentists, and engineers. These are science and math related subjects, and in high school when I put my full effort in I did amazing. However, the truth was that I felt no connection, no excitement about learning the laws of physics, and theorems of calculus.

I love my family, my parents, I feel lucky I have such motivated people in my life. They thought that in the world we; live in today to have success; the science field was where I needed to go. However, I didn’t and it shocked my parents, because they saw that I had the capacity to excel in these subjects (although for me I could not grasp science fast, I had to study for hours and hours to understand ONE simple idea).

Now–some subjects come easily to us, others don’t and I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I believe that if one really wants to be a doctor or a dentist or whatever, even if the subject’s one must learn are very hard, one will put the effort in and accomplish the goal.

For me, I had no desire to become a dentist, my aunt is a dentists and she loves what she does. She works with people everyday, helps them, brings health into their lives, and gives them ward worthy bright teeth! To me this is amazing, and she is such a hard worker, a family woman, and knows how to keep the balance of work and play.

In my early childhood, I sang, I acted I loved to write. Moreover, like many kids, teenagers, and any age group I wanted to be known for a talent! I wanted fame! But what is fame, and why do some of us thirst for it so much? Because really to be I feel foolish I ever wanted fame. What I want is to help people, in an area that I know I am good at. It’s amazing knowing, that someone read a post and was touched by it–and you know what I feel so LUCKY that I started this blog, because I had a great fear that my writing was awful, well that my thoughts were dumb. That no one would like me, that I would be criticized for being immature. I learned thank goodness, that criticism is very good because it’s how we can get better at what I am doing! I use to think it was a bad thing, I feared it! Now I know even if I feel the sting of criticism (which I have gotten over), it is good for me because I can grow! I can learn, and not make the same mistakes.

And hey I am still learning how to develop my ideas, how to express them. Learning to write, and becoming better is an ongoing process. I am not the best, but I think if you love doing something you should at least try! And try again and again!

As much as I love to read novels, and have practiced writing a few, (although they are embarrassingly bad, and are simply my attempts to just try to finish them to the end), I found that writing short stories, and fiction, did not always come easily to me. Sure once in a while I will think of an idea for a story and I will write it–but for me its poetry and essay writing that, I love. I love writing about the idea of the world, our perception of it, energy, philosophy, psychology, positivity, and what reality is to me, and to other people.

Here is my point: I thought that a certain career a certain path is going to bring a success, that for me I thought there was only one concrete way to the destination of success. This is a huge MENTAL BLOCK.

I was limiting myself, because me thinking there is only one way to do something is just CRAZY. We must run to the things that we love, run to the subjects that excite you freely! What is success? Does it really mean fame? I do not think so; I think it means being so happy with the work, you do to help others in life. To bring them happiness and truth!

 

Nothing is easy–and there came a point in my life, where I had to start owning up to the place that I was in. I cannot blame others, I can control myself and my reaction to what happens. I have a great thirst for knowledge–I still read articles on biology and anatomy, and so many more subjects. Everyday is a chance to learn. I feel that till I am old and withered I will still be learning.

My mind is free from the awful idea that there is only one way to get success.

When I start focusing on the things that make me happy, when I help others and I see how I’ve touched their lives, it is the most amazing feeling,  that is when I feel success! I hope that I am thinking the right way, I hope that being happy, but also working hard, concentrating and persistence will bring me where I desperately want to go.

Know what you want, whether its being a doctor, a teacher, a life coach, actor, writer, even a dentist, know that this is what you want to do with your life. No matter how hard it is, remember it is what you want, and you will do whatever it take to get there. You have to know where you are going, create the plan and go there!

To me the future is a destination and there are millions, billions, and simply endless ways to get there. Just know you’re gonna get there.

Meaningless Thrills

13 Oct

Filling the dark room with the soft seductive music of the devil,

They played the game across the room,

Took a hand,

Grasped a shoulder,

Skin on skin,

That is how we like it.

 

 

Flash forward,

When is it going to end?

My pain, this deep guttural suffering

It twists in me, the memories leap out everywhere

My lonely soul, my heart ripped

Too many times this dance has leaded me to despair.

 

 

Yet it happens everywhere

All the time, right now.

And it’s no unique situation,

Those who get hurt easily should know better.

 

 

Flash back to that room,

The music subdues all the mortals in the room,

Do they really think this is the last night of fun?

I pull away,

I look around,

This has happened before

This mistake

These moves–all of it.

 

 

 

It’s been so long,

This environment— is toxic

These people they are stuck in this,

And again and again, I’ll get sick

With this disease not of the heart but the mind

The ego

It easily bruises, depression sets in,

These symptoms I should know—

They come from actions unspoken

And the idea of thrill—-

 

 

Inflicting pain on you is a choice—

When you have learned the lesson and yet choose,

Not to apply what you have learned.

And is it really worth it?

Is satisfying thrill worth the pain that follows?

 

I had to consciously ask my self this

And for a while, I could not because….

Like a merry-go-round rotating faster and faster

The speed making me dizzy with delusion

I just thought about the momentary happiness,

Didn’t look at the future,

And sometimes we must step out of that merry-go-round,

Out of that seductive room,

Take a breath and question what you want

And if what you are doing is taking you there or somewhere

Only pains exist.

 

 

Be prepared to run…

And that is okay because

What you want will come around

At some point at, the right place, the right time, the right people.

Sometimes running

Is the strength your patience needs.

Inside Paramnesia

9 Oct

I forget that I am human,

I forget that perfection is a disease.

That it can take us towards a level of inaccuracy about ourselves

That starves the soul

Of the water, it needs to grow.

 

It is easy to dwell on the things we do not have

It is easy to wish for the body of the gods

The lips of Aphrodite

The eyes of muses,

But do not get lost in these physical constraints

The world is constantly changing

One day this is good

And that is bad

And back again

So why waste the mental space with

The nonsensical?

Maybe we are trained to want the things we can’t have

Trained to constantly be unhappy

Buy this lipstick and you will cause envy

Spray this fragrance and you will be irresistible.

 

All these physical things

Are much more products of insanity.

Because, it’s not the product that makes you iressistable, beautiful, charismatic,

It is you, who encompasses all the

Attributes of the great.

 

So take a step back

Ask yourself does this matter?

It’s easy to get lost,

Its easy to think the ridiculous is what you want,

That’s why we must question our selves

Question where the motive comes from.

Because in the end, we are all human

All given the same gift,

Of a life no other being encompasses,

Cherish that which matters

That, which counts,

Forget the nonsense,

Forget the noise

Remember the music—

The beat called life.

A Short Story, Also Many Thanks

30 Aug

First Before you read what I have written, I wanted to say thankyou for everyone who has read my posts, thankyou for commenting

than you for liking, I am so grateful and I feel so blessed, that I was able to have such, kind, creative, outstanding people who would read my blog. We come from different places, grew up in cultures which shaped the people we are today. And we have come together to create these amazing inventions called blogs, and I just sincerely want to say with all my heart, thankyou for taking your time to read, really thankyou so so very much, each and every one of you has given me inspiration and hope to go on.

So today I attempted the short story. I will tell you the truth, that I have tried many times, to write books, just as practice, just to see, if I can really express the emotion, the reality of being human in each of my characters. Anyway this is a short story, one that came to me in a dream.

I will warn you, that it does end quite abruptly, but I was just hoping,

if you wish to tell me what you think.

Is it okay? What can I improve on?

Honestly, it’s not about money, it’s not about fame, it’s about being able to connect with others, to give them a few moments of happiness or curiosity and I hope one day my stories, my books can inspire people, make em happy give em courage, as all my favorite books have given me.

Okay so here it is, and again THANKYOU for reading 🙂

———————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Tuesday shouldn’t be so exciting. Should be a day of work, and a cup of Joe.

They had other plans, my friends, those rascals I loved.

Lunch break, now it is time to go get a sandwich, maybe a Panini if I am feeling exotic.

Brown haired, and grey-eyed Tommy, intentionally, bumped into my arm so hard, they keys for the car fell to the ground.

“Damn it Tom!” and his stupid grin, it came across his face, faster than you can say J-a-c-k-r-a-b-b-i-t!

“Aw shucks, Mr.Bigbuissness, you turning on me.” Of course, he had used the same line since we were in grade school,

He picked it up on some TV show about cops and robbers. I never did like the thrill that he did. Then again, I was the one in the suit

And he was the one with a white T-shirt strung over his head, his chest bear and clear for all the world to see, cargo pants, and man boots on.

“Why are you here?” he bent down touched the side mirror of my crappy red car, licked his teeth, rearranged the shirt so it resembled more of a turban.

“If your on break lets go see Rilly-B” that wasn’t his name, but Tommy made up all our names. Nicknames he called them.

At twenty-seven, I know better, he was renaming us to make us… his.

I did not want to be late to work. In that office. Cramped.

Then again, it had been awhile since I saw Rilly.

“Get in the car.” Again, the goof smile, like he’d known, appearing unexpectedly, would make me do anything for him.

“When are you going to stop dressing like a moron?” I asked when he shut the door.

“Never-ever-I’m Peter-fucking-Pan!” he laughed at himself, isn’t that what all fools do, well only charismatic people get away with that. Or Crazies.

What was I thinking; traffic, at this time, noon, in this city. Awful idea, abysmal.

I started turning on Wingam Street ” Where are you going, hospitals the other way.” he exclaimed.

I slammed the brakes; thank god, no one was behind us.

“Hospital! Did you trick me, you idiot I don’t have enough money to get you into the hospital, ask your brother!” I yelled. Should have known,

Should have known he was doing this all for himself why else, would he come see me?

But this time, I was wrong.

“You’re an asshole. Rilly, is the one in the hospital.” His eyes, those grey eyes, with strange flicks of gold, burned a little brighter, maybe it was the sunlight. Or some weird disease.

Or maybe it was his anger.

My astonishment must have shown.

“St.Peters, its half-a…”

“I know where it is Tommy.”

Silence.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Rilly, had been a fat kid, in our youth. Tommy and I were always the first to defend him, and the last to pick fun.

Now, he lay in a hospital bed, skinny as can be. Damn. How many years had gone by?

His face was sunken in, bruises up and down his neck. An oxygen mask strapped to his face, the white robe and blankets cover him.

Tommy had put his shirt back on. Maybe it was out of respect, or cuz he was cold. I didn’t know anymore.

Visit Rilly. What a shit. Rilly was unconscious, hadn’t been awake in over a month.

“What happened?”

Tommy was sitting on a plastic white chair, his elbows on the bed, face in his hands. He looked like a kid. A kid at church, with his elbows on the railing, praying.

Finally, he looked up, but as the words were about to spill out, someone else filled me in.

“I’ll tell you what happened.” She had become beautiful, Sally that was. Rilly’s sister. Long curls not quite blonde or brown, but somewhere in the middle,

Sally was a nurse, here at the hospital. I remembered now, she had a divorce. I also remembered how good she looked in a bathing suit, in her prom dress,

and how much better she looked without them on.

Tommy gave her a nasty look. Don’t know if he was still mad she never gave in, or if now it was a bigger problem.

“Sally…I didn’t know.” I was saying.

“How could you? You forgot about all of us a long time ago.”

I wanted to say, I hadn’t forgotten, how could I? I just wanted, desperately,

To have something for myself, to know I could be my own person.

Heh, which was working out perfect.

“Listen up Nurse. I brought him. I’ll tell him.” Tommy said. Crouched like he was, Tommy seemed to be, protecting his friend.

From what?

She just laughed, waved her hand, as if to say, go on, you sack of shit.

“Your not gonna be happy, it started….well you know when it started.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked him.

If only Rilly was awake, he’d make a joke, break the ice. Because the three of us were, just…

too serious. Then again, this was not an occasion for laughter.

“Come on man, the summer before you left, ten years ago. The summer we found that shit, at my uncle’s place.”

His eyes were revolving now; those gold flecks seemed to be coming out of his eyes, shooting stars at me.

“I’ll tell you what I think.” Sally said her voice raising pitch, I wondered if there was anyone in the next bed.

“Oh shit.”

“Let her talk Tommy!” Half stammering, I must have sounded like an idiot.

“You two were idiots, snooping around, looking for trouble, like two seven year olds. Well guess what the boogey monsters real,

And this is what happens when you mess with it.”

I didn’t want to stare at her. The meaning was penetrating my memories. Of nights,

Filled with adventure, blood, and even worse…the things of taboo.

I needed a distraction, I couldn’t be here. I was not ready for where this conversation was heading. Anyway I wanted to come here alone, now that I knew. I felt awful. But I could not be here, between Tommy and Sally, I thought I might explode.

I looked down at the fake gold watch my mom had gotten me years ago. Good time to exit.

“I’ll be back later. I’m gonna be late for work.”

“Don’t you dare leave; this is your fault too!” Sally screamed. She was getting closer to me; I put my hands up and walked out.

Her face so outraged,

Her lips thinning,

That face, which was once so relaxed, so supple, and excited… was now, etched with concern, worry, anger most of all.

I’d been away from my friends to long.

——————————————————————————————————–

Wake Up

7 Aug

Life has meaning when you put meaning into it,

I’ve been in a rut for the past week.

Depressed, thinking stupid things,

wasting my time so I don’t have to deal with reality.

But this morning, my brain woke me up by way of a message :

That it’s a choice I am making

it’s a choice to sit around

it’s a choice to do something

and its a choice to start being happy,

to start remembering that everything in this world….

is connected

that everything in this world has a meaning.

I was so angry because

I couldn’t think up any stories

think up a beautiful tale to tell

and that’s silly

life has so many stories

I guess it’s about learning

it’s about just trying

I’ve been too embarrassed to tell the real stories

the stories about my life

but each chapter of my life is a book.

Each place I’ve moved to

the parties I’ve been to

the things I have seen

they are all stories

and its about paying attention to the world around you.

But why I am so focused on thinking up ways to write?

When I should just write

like right now I feel so good.

It’s like finally, finally I can write and all these emotions

all these realizations

they feel real

I feel real

I feel significant

worth it.

Sometimes when I get depressed,

I’ll start thinking that success is crazy

that how could I be successful?

But that’s so stupid!

I decided today

that I am no longer going to think that success is beyond my reach.

In fact I believe it is around the corner

but its time,

being an overactive human like myself

makes me want things fast

achieve fast

get it as soon as possible!

and when it doesn’t come fast

I get frustrated

I become a zombie.

That’s no way to live,

that’s not a mentality that I want to stay in

I want to be calm

I want to accept the world around me

I want to breathe in its beauty

I am curious about everything

I want to know why the world is the way it is

And I believe, that it is through my own fiction

that I can learn, understand and most of all appreciate my life.

You see I have a theory

that when one sits down to write

they should just do that

just go through the motions

just do it,

don’t think, that what your writing is stupid

because that’s completely cutting off your value as a person.

And that’s not fair to ourselves,

Right now I feel super inspired

I can feel like this any day any time

by just remembering that even the motion of writing

even trying is significant

I am significant

This world we live in today

this era

its full of so many distractions

so many things that keep taking away

our significance.

Because by saying ah I don’t feel like studying

I don’t feel like writing

I don’t feel like working

let me watch some tv or go on the computer and play games or watch a show,

by doing that, we are essentially giving away what makes us

unique

and instead filling our minds with a pollution

that does not allow any time to think

for ourselves.

However, we can escape this bombardment of messages—

by self-control,

remembering what it is we want

remembering that every single person, every life

your life, is more important

than wasting time

and once your dreams come true,

that’s when life gives us even more

opportunities, hopes,

and most of all we appreciate.

That’s the point, isn’t it–

to take pleasure

in the work we do

in the lives we live

by remembering

we are here

we are alive

we are connected

and most of all:

we are significant