Tag Archives: Learn

Meaningless Thrills

13 Oct

Filling the dark room with the soft seductive music of the devil,

They played the game across the room,

Took a hand,

Grasped a shoulder,

Skin on skin,

That is how we like it.



Flash forward,

When is it going to end?

My pain, this deep guttural suffering

It twists in me, the memories leap out everywhere

My lonely soul, my heart ripped

Too many times this dance has leaded me to despair.



Yet it happens everywhere

All the time, right now.

And it’s no unique situation,

Those who get hurt easily should know better.



Flash back to that room,

The music subdues all the mortals in the room,

Do they really think this is the last night of fun?

I pull away,

I look around,

This has happened before

This mistake

These moves–all of it.




It’s been so long,

This environment— is toxic

These people they are stuck in this,

And again and again, I’ll get sick

With this disease not of the heart but the mind

The ego

It easily bruises, depression sets in,

These symptoms I should know—

They come from actions unspoken

And the idea of thrill—-



Inflicting pain on you is a choice—

When you have learned the lesson and yet choose,

Not to apply what you have learned.

And is it really worth it?

Is satisfying thrill worth the pain that follows?


I had to consciously ask my self this

And for a while, I could not because….

Like a merry-go-round rotating faster and faster

The speed making me dizzy with delusion

I just thought about the momentary happiness,

Didn’t look at the future,

And sometimes we must step out of that merry-go-round,

Out of that seductive room,

Take a breath and question what you want

And if what you are doing is taking you there or somewhere

Only pains exist.



Be prepared to run…

And that is okay because

What you want will come around

At some point at, the right place, the right time, the right people.

Sometimes running

Is the strength your patience needs.


Intoxicating Stench…

20 May

Intoxicating Stench

Lie to me.

There are many lies, big and small,

But the worst ones,

Are the ones we tell ourselves.

To get what I wanted, I told a lie.

Many little ones, but the biggest one, the worst one was the one I told myself…

That it didn’t matter how much damage I caused other people.

Until the mental struggle took physical form.

Instantly, I was at the party, I could smell it in the air,

Sex hung on the walls, a painter’s initiative when he first came in,

Drugs circled the rooms

And alcohol was just part of the scenery

Red cups  and keg stands

Shots for all!

Lose your morals for the night.

I don’t participate, just watch the show.

The easiest way to get away with a lie, is never ever participate

Let it filter every echoless mind, all you have  do is let it slip your lips,

And then dine at the outcome.

It’s evil, I know, but after years of watching the snowball effect of other peoples tortures…I learned.

A nameless beauty handed me a drink.

I smiled at her and of course, the fragile being accepted it.

Later love was uttered in a whisper,

She was more than ready to accept.

Evil comes in many forms.

It’s the things we say and do that determine how evil we are.

No one is born good

Or bad….

It’s a choice….and the power game starts

That sweet smell,

That sweet intoxicating stench gets me every time.

Every party,

Is a lie, waiting to happen.