Dreamer’s Struggle—Reality or Fear?

4 Nov

My blood is pumping, my ears cannot distinguish between the sounds of screams, moans and yells, the mob is too much. Clusters of people are gathering around squishing, pushing, no hesitation, only panic.

I wake up. Dead air, silence, nothing.

I can go back in time,

I can rehearse the chaos,

Feel the hands, and fingers of hundreds poking at me,

grabbing,

what is this nightmare?
Is it a reality? A memory from before this life?

How can a dream feel so vivid, so real….so much like the crystallized snapshot,

only memories are capable of producing?

I close my eyes, the bed says sleep child, sleep.

Yet the child shivers,

And though my body is no longer small and weak,

Though my hands have grown,

And my knowledge of this world deepended,

The helplessness is still there,

The unknowing, that fear that is easy to push down,

Comes back up sometimes…

I tell myself it is not real…I am in control.

Sometimes though, when I have fought too much,

When my armor is off,

It is hard, it is a choice.

Let the fear consume me, I could just stay in my shell forever.

Or crush my teeth together, scream at this nameless evil,

And reach a state of happiness,

Hard to grasp,

But once I’m there—

The struggle makes sense,

The worth of happiness is stronger than the price of remaining nothing.

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5 Responses to “Dreamer’s Struggle—Reality or Fear?”

  1. carolynpageabc November 15, 2012 at 5:26 pm #

    That was wonderfully written….!
    Yes, it takes courage to move through life; to join the throng; to pursue a dream; to conquer; to challenge oneself; to be oneself…

    • cookie200007 November 15, 2012 at 8:40 pm #

      First a huge huge merci :)!! Second—yes!!!This si excatlly how I felt when writing this :)!

    • cookie200007 November 15, 2012 at 8:41 pm #

      also your always helping to encourage me and I want to say thankyou for that 🙂

      • carolynpageabc November 15, 2012 at 9:34 pm #

        You are very welcome…! 🙂
        I thoroughly enjoyed it…!
        Talent needs encouragement…. 🙂

      • cookie200007 November 17, 2012 at 8:25 pm #

        :)!!!Thankyou:) 🙂

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