A Short Story, Also Many Thanks

30 Aug

First Before you read what I have written, I wanted to say thankyou for everyone who has read my posts, thankyou for commenting

than you for liking, I am so grateful and I feel so blessed, that I was able to have such, kind, creative, outstanding people who would read my blog. We come from different places, grew up in cultures which shaped the people we are today. And we have come together to create these amazing inventions called blogs, and I just sincerely want to say with all my heart, thankyou for taking your time to read, really thankyou so so very much, each and every one of you has given me inspiration and hope to go on.

So today I attempted the short story. I will tell you the truth, that I have tried many times, to write books, just as practice, just to see, if I can really express the emotion, the reality of being human in each of my characters. Anyway this is a short story, one that came to me in a dream.

I will warn you, that it does end quite abruptly, but I was just hoping,

if you wish to tell me what you think.

Is it okay? What can I improve on?

Honestly, it’s not about money, it’s not about fame, it’s about being able to connect with others, to give them a few moments of happiness or curiosity and I hope one day my stories, my books can inspire people, make em happy give em courage, as all my favorite books have given me.

Okay so here it is, and again THANKYOU for reading 🙂

———————————————————————————————————————————————

 

Tuesday shouldn’t be so exciting. Should be a day of work, and a cup of Joe.

They had other plans, my friends, those rascals I loved.

Lunch break, now it is time to go get a sandwich, maybe a Panini if I am feeling exotic.

Brown haired, and grey-eyed Tommy, intentionally, bumped into my arm so hard, they keys for the car fell to the ground.

“Damn it Tom!” and his stupid grin, it came across his face, faster than you can say J-a-c-k-r-a-b-b-i-t!

“Aw shucks, Mr.Bigbuissness, you turning on me.” Of course, he had used the same line since we were in grade school,

He picked it up on some TV show about cops and robbers. I never did like the thrill that he did. Then again, I was the one in the suit

And he was the one with a white T-shirt strung over his head, his chest bear and clear for all the world to see, cargo pants, and man boots on.

“Why are you here?” he bent down touched the side mirror of my crappy red car, licked his teeth, rearranged the shirt so it resembled more of a turban.

“If your on break lets go see Rilly-B” that wasn’t his name, but Tommy made up all our names. Nicknames he called them.

At twenty-seven, I know better, he was renaming us to make us… his.

I did not want to be late to work. In that office. Cramped.

Then again, it had been awhile since I saw Rilly.

“Get in the car.” Again, the goof smile, like he’d known, appearing unexpectedly, would make me do anything for him.

“When are you going to stop dressing like a moron?” I asked when he shut the door.

“Never-ever-I’m Peter-fucking-Pan!” he laughed at himself, isn’t that what all fools do, well only charismatic people get away with that. Or Crazies.

What was I thinking; traffic, at this time, noon, in this city. Awful idea, abysmal.

I started turning on Wingam Street ” Where are you going, hospitals the other way.” he exclaimed.

I slammed the brakes; thank god, no one was behind us.

“Hospital! Did you trick me, you idiot I don’t have enough money to get you into the hospital, ask your brother!” I yelled. Should have known,

Should have known he was doing this all for himself why else, would he come see me?

But this time, I was wrong.

“You’re an asshole. Rilly, is the one in the hospital.” His eyes, those grey eyes, with strange flicks of gold, burned a little brighter, maybe it was the sunlight. Or some weird disease.

Or maybe it was his anger.

My astonishment must have shown.

“St.Peters, its half-a…”

“I know where it is Tommy.”

Silence.

——————————————————————————————————————————————

Rilly, had been a fat kid, in our youth. Tommy and I were always the first to defend him, and the last to pick fun.

Now, he lay in a hospital bed, skinny as can be. Damn. How many years had gone by?

His face was sunken in, bruises up and down his neck. An oxygen mask strapped to his face, the white robe and blankets cover him.

Tommy had put his shirt back on. Maybe it was out of respect, or cuz he was cold. I didn’t know anymore.

Visit Rilly. What a shit. Rilly was unconscious, hadn’t been awake in over a month.

“What happened?”

Tommy was sitting on a plastic white chair, his elbows on the bed, face in his hands. He looked like a kid. A kid at church, with his elbows on the railing, praying.

Finally, he looked up, but as the words were about to spill out, someone else filled me in.

“I’ll tell you what happened.” She had become beautiful, Sally that was. Rilly’s sister. Long curls not quite blonde or brown, but somewhere in the middle,

Sally was a nurse, here at the hospital. I remembered now, she had a divorce. I also remembered how good she looked in a bathing suit, in her prom dress,

and how much better she looked without them on.

Tommy gave her a nasty look. Don’t know if he was still mad she never gave in, or if now it was a bigger problem.

“Sally…I didn’t know.” I was saying.

“How could you? You forgot about all of us a long time ago.”

I wanted to say, I hadn’t forgotten, how could I? I just wanted, desperately,

To have something for myself, to know I could be my own person.

Heh, which was working out perfect.

“Listen up Nurse. I brought him. I’ll tell him.” Tommy said. Crouched like he was, Tommy seemed to be, protecting his friend.

From what?

She just laughed, waved her hand, as if to say, go on, you sack of shit.

“Your not gonna be happy, it started….well you know when it started.”

“What are you talking about?” I asked him.

If only Rilly was awake, he’d make a joke, break the ice. Because the three of us were, just…

too serious. Then again, this was not an occasion for laughter.

“Come on man, the summer before you left, ten years ago. The summer we found that shit, at my uncle’s place.”

His eyes were revolving now; those gold flecks seemed to be coming out of his eyes, shooting stars at me.

“I’ll tell you what I think.” Sally said her voice raising pitch, I wondered if there was anyone in the next bed.

“Oh shit.”

“Let her talk Tommy!” Half stammering, I must have sounded like an idiot.

“You two were idiots, snooping around, looking for trouble, like two seven year olds. Well guess what the boogey monsters real,

And this is what happens when you mess with it.”

I didn’t want to stare at her. The meaning was penetrating my memories. Of nights,

Filled with adventure, blood, and even worse…the things of taboo.

I needed a distraction, I couldn’t be here. I was not ready for where this conversation was heading. Anyway I wanted to come here alone, now that I knew. I felt awful. But I could not be here, between Tommy and Sally, I thought I might explode.

I looked down at the fake gold watch my mom had gotten me years ago. Good time to exit.

“I’ll be back later. I’m gonna be late for work.”

“Don’t you dare leave; this is your fault too!” Sally screamed. She was getting closer to me; I put my hands up and walked out.

Her face so outraged,

Her lips thinning,

That face, which was once so relaxed, so supple, and excited… was now, etched with concern, worry, anger most of all.

I’d been away from my friends to long.

——————————————————————————————————–

Advertisements

4 Responses to “A Short Story, Also Many Thanks”

  1. postingapath August 31, 2012 at 3:21 am #

    Great short story, kept me engaged from beginning to end. I saw some minor things in the editing (capital letters in some places where they weren’t needed). Really left me thinking at the end.

    • cookie200007 August 31, 2012 at 2:53 pm #

      Ah thankyou thankyou thankyou! Your comment made me feel so happy,my biggest problem is my grammar and I need to go back and change those little things. Thankyou so much for helping me and commenting!! 🙂

  2. marit31 August 31, 2012 at 5:46 am #

    closer editing could make the read move faster (np; a language thing?).
    it seems like the narrator feels guilt for leaving his past behind. why?
    the last line is cryptic, making the reader wonder if the narrator thinks it’s morally good or bad to ignore his past friendships.
    good read! thanks.

    • cookie200007 August 31, 2012 at 2:52 pm #

      Thankyou so much for your thoughtful and most of all helpful comments! I am looking back at it and I completely agree thankyou so much!!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: