Memory of Living

24 Jul

This is a memory:

The audience was quiet, waiting for me to start. They were a collective group of senior high school students. Some of them my friends, some of them I barely knew. But we had all grown up together, and there’s no changing that. No matter who was weird, cool, or crazy.

The classroom was a small square room on the second level. The desks were pulled into a circular fashion.

I grabbed a chair, placed it in the center of that circle, so I could see every eye, make sure they could all see me.

This was a moment I had been waiting for a moment to show I was good at something.

Our final year, our final class presentation, and I had decided it was fitting, for my persona as so I portrayed, to present a monologue; which for years, had consumed me in its bitter regret, and beautiful words.

I explained the situation : A man in jail, being asked :Β  have you been rehabilitated? What a question.

I sat down, looked at the audience and began. What I felt was the moment, not only the words I spoke but the deep regret I felt in my own life sure I wasn’t a man in jail, but there were many things I felt at the time needed to be redeemed within me, many things I had done wrong.

When I spoke the words, they came from a place of truth, they came from that place deep inside of me which I cannot say is from the heart or the brain but something else, something utterly human.

Everyone in that room was silent listening, watching, but I didn’t notice them not really, because I was in the moment, in that scene, I was the character and for the first time in my life I didn’t care about what people thought of me if they thought I was hot or ugly, or crazy or fun, dramatic, all the old connotations dropped when I became the character.

The last line,

I look up at every person make sure my eyes reach as many as possible

make sure they see the regret written in every part of my face.

When IΒ  finish there is a silence for a minute,

and then everyone starts to clap.

It’s been many years,

but if I go back into that memory

I can remember what it means to be alive.


21 Responses to “Memory of Living”

  1. myothervoices July 24, 2012 at 2:32 pm #

    Shawshank Redemption?

  2. eof737 July 26, 2012 at 4:04 pm #


  3. campanulladellaanna July 27, 2012 at 10:58 am #

    Life is full of challenges, thus we experience every time :p Thank you so much you already a follower of my blog. Very encourage me. Regards πŸ˜›

    • cookie200007 July 27, 2012 at 4:40 pm #

      Many thanks friend, your words are wonderous, I look forward to keep readingn your blog, I hope you’ll stop again πŸ™‚

  4. arabian roses July 27, 2012 at 5:49 pm #

    It’s so beautiful. IOve it .Thank you for inviting us to take a journey into a sacred part of your mind and heart . =)

    • cookie200007 July 27, 2012 at 6:00 pm #

      Thankyou so very much! I am so happy that you liked it—this piece mean’s alot to me, I love your poetry, this isone of the only places where I can truley be free and share with others, many thanks πŸ™‚

      • arabian roses July 27, 2012 at 6:05 pm #

        keep writing ,i love your style of writing it’s captivating ,never feel bored when reading your articles and poem.I’ll be back to read the rest inshallah. πŸ™‚

      • cookie200007 July 27, 2012 at 9:26 pm #

        Many thanks :))

  5. Angie July 28, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

    I have to agree with arabian roses, your style of writing is captivating. Keep Writing!

    • cookie200007 July 28, 2012 at 2:34 pm #

      Thankyou so much Angie! Both of you have made me feel so much more confident and excited to write, thankyou πŸ™‚

  6. ljclayton August 25, 2012 at 5:22 pm #

    You sound like a natural actor.

    • cookie200007 August 25, 2012 at 8:45 pm #

      Ah thankyou πŸ™‚ how I miss it with all my heart

      • ljclayton August 26, 2012 at 1:03 pm #

        Ah, I was right then. I know how you feel. Writing’s creative but the opposite, isn’t it? Lonely.

      • cookie200007 August 26, 2012 at 3:21 pm #

        It is completely lonely; the only way for me is to fill it up with my thoughts. Most times, when I am completely immersed in the process I forget, I am not sure if that is good. I have to say though acting, and writing, they are the only ways I know how to release my emotion, its like the only ways I know how to be real, which is strange we try in every day life yet its when I act or write that I feel…alive, in the moment. What do you think?

      • ljclayton August 27, 2012 at 10:24 am #

        I feel exactly the same.

  7. Naomi Baltuck August 25, 2012 at 5:23 pm #

    Hi Cookie,
    What you describe is so like the feeling that I got when I told my first formal story in a storytelling class more than thirty years ago! In the back of my mind, I knew before I had concluded that story that I wanted to be a storyteller.

    • cookie200007 August 25, 2012 at 8:43 pm #

      Hey Naomi,
      Thankyou so much for sharing with me πŸ™‚ So beautiful, that in that one moment we realize who we are and what we want to do, which can be tough and takes so much courage, thankyou so much πŸ™‚

  8. Marylin Warner August 29, 2012 at 10:18 pm #

    Wonderfully done. Powerful!

    • cookie200007 August 29, 2012 at 10:41 pm #

      This means so much to me thankyou for reading, I am so happy you liked it πŸ™‚

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