Lamentation & Nightmares

18 Jun

Nightmares are evil things

I’m not sure why the mind produces them

maybe to warn us

maybe to freak us out a little more

But I hate it…


I hate the memory

the blood and glass

the skin peeling off as if made of wax



Every time I wake up from this plaguing memory,

The dream, which is so vivid

so real that I feel like I was there again

and every time I want to scream

but I don’t

I want to cry

I want to do something that’s destructive

But I don’t.

Because the real and the unreal can’t mix



Only on paper

only in ink am I safe

the only place where I have control

is between the pen and my hand…



I only hope one day

these nightmare will end

I only hope that I can come to grips

with what happened

understand that it just did.



But a part of me

that scared

fearful part

wants it all to end

wishes that I had been the person who died that day.



But I didn’t.



I kept living,

It’s been over a decade.

Wow a decade that’s a long time.

And I still remember

probably never forget.


It’ll take some time

before I can distinguish

what these nightmares means

because right now

it’s still to fresh

and I’m still to weak

to human

to understand the difference between surviving

and living.


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